Thursday, April 14, 2005

It's still better than the last one

Hey Flash, bet you wish you drove now huh?

Used to be Chicks dug the car.
Now-a-days it’s the guys.

Currently playing on the Bat-mobile stereo: Tone Loc, Wild Thing

Why I bother sometimes...

I swear the Riddler isn’t even trying anymore.

So last night I get this “cryptic” message given to me by James Gordon. It had been thrown through the GCPD window attached to a big green question mark. (I wonder who it could be? Killer Croc?)

The message followed the old formula: "when is a something like a something else?". This time it read:
When is 14a Stoutmire St like my secret headquarters?
Christ Gordon! Do I have to do all the work?

Robin, bless him, was still trying to make out like it was hard. He was all like “Hmmm, maybe we should put it through the bat-computer” And even when the computer spat out “WTF!?” Robin was still saying things like “Maybe it’s a trap”.

It SO wasn’t a trap.

Seriously though, how much is the Riddler paying his goons to dress up in bright green tuxedos?

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

It's supposed to be a secret!!!

What’s going on here!

Stuffo, the “entertainment” arm of–a website often visited here at the Batcave–has outed me and a handful of other do-gooders. If we are to keep fighting the good fight we can’t have some “vigilante” website going around telling people who we are!!! For Pete’s Sake!

Still, Spiderman, whoa! 28 people know your secret identity? Yeah, I know I have revealed myself to 43 people…sorry, that should be 43 people know I’m Bruce Way…let me start again, a lot of people think they know who I am. But I’m going to cut that number down with some memory gas in the next few weeks though.

Ahhh, memory gas. So many…um…memories.

Speaking of memories, I was enjoying Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind the other day and found myself confused. I was able to keep up with the tangled plotline and memory jumping but why on earth would Kate Winslet find Jim Carrey attractive?

I think the Joker has been tampering with my word-processor. There are green lines everywhere. They tell me “Sentence Fragment”, yet this confuses me because “Sentence Fragment” is itself a sentence fragment. Confound you Joker!

I’m going to out and lurk.
Until next bat-time.


You see this is what makes me THE Batman and other people merely superman or aquaman. I don’t sell out! You don’t see me schmoozing with big celebrities like SOME people. See I’m all subversive and underground culture and internet stuff. Some big shots just don’t understand that you can wear the mask AND be cool.

At this point I’d like every one to forget the work of Joel “nipples” Schumacher. When they signed me as creative consultant I didn’t know that the director would be hitting on me the whole time. I just sleep gassed him every time it got too awkward though, perhaps I gassed him one too many times.

Of course I don’t want anyone to forget the Bat-toosie which gained pop-icon status when the lovely Uma Thurman danced it in Pulp Fiction. Yeah, she was Poison Ivy in that terrible Nipples-made movie but you can’t hold that against her, look at Kill Bill.

I loved that movie (both Vol.1 and 2), although I probably would have stopped her from actually killing Bill or anyone else for that matter. Like Catwoman, I could make her see the error in her ways, and after a short stay in Arkham, she could be rehabilitated into society. Sigh…

I’m going to watch DVDs on the Bat-Xbox now.

Keep safe
The Batman

ps. no, I am not jealous of Superman!
pps. Big bat-shoutout to Dark Magician 25 for never giving up. You see Jason, the Dark Magic was inside you all along...

Monday, April 11, 2005

Welcome to the Batblog

Greetings Chum

I have decided to use the enormous power of my bat-computer to do more than just unravel the evil schemes of my many nemeses. With my new high-speed internet connection and a Blogger account (thanks Oracle) I can take the fight for good to the information super-highway.

I hope that with this blog I can show more of my human side. I have always maintained that criminals are a cowardly superstitious lot but that means it’s just that much harder to communicate with them. Sometimes I think that maybe I should just get rid of the cowl and the cape and talk to them one on one, really show who I am and maybe that will change.

But then I realise it is so much cooler being all angsty and hiding in the shadows and such.

Ah, my MS Outlook mail system has informed me that another crime has occurred. I will return… (sssssshhhhooshhhh)…oh, smoke bombs don’t have the same effect on the internet as they do in abandoned warehouses.