Does anyone out there know when "a door isn’t a door"?

Or do you know a 9 letter word that means “Squandering”?

Or do you know where a green suited crazy-man might hide a “mega-laser”?

The Batcomputer is on the blink. I even had to write this on Nightwing’s laptop.

I have been alerted to a crisis on infinite earths by Batblog buddy Bip (thanks Bip). Well maybe not “infinite” but at least four or so earths.

Green Arrow, the Flash and even Robin have all disappeared from the blogosphere! In the alternate universe called “Marvel” the mutants have been falling as well. Tony Stark (who was just “outed”), Sue Richards (Invisible Woman played by Jessica Alba in the poor movie adaptation), Dr Henry McCoy and criminal Madeline Pryor have all met with similar fates.

These meta-human-blogs now stand silent, their final words echoing endlessly in the void of the internet…

Flash

Hey guys, whadya think of my new banner?...

Beast (McCoy)

Research calls - as does Will & Grace. I must admit that I'm a fan. The ensemble cast are brilliant!...

Pryor

I'm sending this holy pain in the ass back to limbo first thing in the morning…

Ghostly, isn’t it? So many good friends lost… NoooOOOOooooOOOOO!!!!

But Spiderman and the Incredible Hulk are still going strong and protecting the innocent and Dr Doom is still… um… endangering the innocent.

I will leave the links of the dead on my sideboard so as to honour their memory. But I might group them into a little area by themselves.

Who will blog for those who cannot blog for themselves when the world’s mightiest bloggers have gone? Mmmm… deep.

[Strong Language Warning Batblog Buddies]

What’s with the angry people? Even the spammers are nice (considering all the shit they get for being evil bastards). It’s bad enough with all the violence in the world without people getting all pissy on the internet. Don’t like my blog? Then move on to the next one retard.

But you know what? I’m Batman, motherfucker, and I don’t need this shit from random blog readers. Alfred had to dig a broken knife tip out of my shoulder this morning (maybe it was yours, anonymous comment-leaver) and Mr fucking Freeze managed to get away after he set an apartment building on fire (yeah I know I wasn’t expecting it either).

As a vigilante I am allowed four uncontrollable fits of rage where I can beat someone to the brink of death, per year. So just fucking watch it! Oh and I turned on the anti-comment-spammers option. Take THAT evil-doers!

With “Angry Batman” all stowed away following his rant, “Cheerful Batman” will take over.

Hooray for the Steelers! Because of their black and yellow colour scheme Batman is a fan of the Steel Curtain. I also follow the New Orleans Saints (even more so this season), but they don’t have a running back called “the Bus” (not that Deuce McCallister isn’t cool).

Like I mentioned above Mr Freeze was up to no good the other day. It was his usual brand of diamond heist: Freeze a few people; snatch the stones; make some kind of “super freeze ray” to take over Gotham. Yawn. So I swung in for the take-down and just when I was expecting a pithy one-liner and his freeze-gun, out comes a flame thrower!

As a vigilante superhero you have to be ready for anything, but come on! He’s not called Mr Flame. Turned out later that he had mugged Firefly for the flame-gun. I had to rescue all of these people from a building the Freeze managed to torch (that was also when I got knifed by an over zealous henchman).

Don’t worry, I’ll get him. I’ll also get those Jax Jags for their nasty interception return in over time (which has just happened). Rashean Mathis, I’m watching you.

In other news I scouted out Gotham Park after there were some sightings of a “plant woman” there. This is just a hunch at the moment but I think it might be Poison Ivy.

Ivy, like all my female enemies, has a bit of a thing for me. I can see why, I am a very handsome man, even with a cowl on. Way better than Christian Bale…seriously.

Finally here is a strangely accurate cartoon I found here (click image for larger version):