Stupid Fantastic Four! I hate you so much Reed Richards!

No I’m not being sour. I can handle being knocked out of the top spot by Spielberg (not you Cruise, I’m watching you…freak). But a cheap version of a cheap comic! Pffff.

Hey who busted up a drug ring on the other day? That’s right me! Straight back from San diego and I busted in there threw a few batarangs around (I didn’t even need to throw, I just thought “what the hell”), it was great fun.

Why was I in San Diego? You are at a blog written by Batman and you don’t know? I go every year. I put on my costume and walk around am no one even notices. Just be safe I pad the suit with a couple of pillows (and sometimes I put on a fake goatee). I buy a few items but mainly go for the autographs.

Here are this year’s photos…

Yeah O.k. this isn't me. But you get the idea.

Of course, HE was there again…

In the name of all that is Holy! I will get you Elvis Trooper! Mark my words. Mark them!

Thank you San Diego for a lovely time I will be back again for the next one.

Don't worry BatBlog Buddies.
There will be a new post soon!

Just fending off criminals and intellectual property lawyers at the moment.

Artistic integrity

Let me tell you all a little story about the movie industry.

It takes liberties with the real story.

I finally caught a screening of the latest flick about my life “Batman Begins”. As mentioned the other day I am already rolling in royalty-money so I knew it had to be at least OK.

It was awesome! David S. Goyer you are the greatest writer since…I don’t know anyone else who has adapted a decent comic? Who wrote Blade? Oh, you did. Well that’s it then, you are the greatest. You are without precedent. You are the Muhammad Ali of comic book screenwriting.

But I have to warn the casual viewer about a few things, the aforementioned liberties.

While it is nice to believe that I am, in fact, playboy millionaire Bruce Wayne; that is just a fanciful theory. Wayne has been seen at the same galas and parties that I have had to rescue from the clutches of countless villains. Not to mention all the times I have saved Wayne from kidnapping.

Sure the death of his parents would give him motive, thinking about them everyday, wishing that he could have saved them, living in the empty shell of his life, trying to fill that space with justice by saving the people of Gotham, night after night watching what his parents strived to…

Um, anyway I’m not Bruce Wayne, end of story.

Also my first car was a (short-lived) second-hand Honda Civic that I painted black with house paint.

I was wrong to say that this movie had nothing to do with Joel Schumacher’s hideous versions. Chris Nolan inserted a veiled homage to Schumacher with the subtle, yet distracting, addition of Katie Holmes’ nipples. Those who say that they didn’t notice them are lying.

This is the coolest Batmobile yet. It is much, much, much cooler than the last two cars from the “nipple-flicks” and also much cooler than my Bat-Honda.

I wasn’t sure if I liked it at first, but I am so sure now. Apparently they made these as real cars and they can do everything that you see in the film. So I may have to make an offer on one.

For those of you who are wondering, I currently drive a converted Toyota Prius (you do NOT want to run out of gas when chasing criminals). And The White Stripes, Get Behind Me Satan is currently in the stereo.

I haven’t posted in a while. Where have I been?

Like I’m going to tell you! I’m Batman fer Chrissake! Oh, I’ve been staking out the mob-house down on the pier. Jeez, guys.

That stuff about the mob-house was a joke by the way. All mobsters down at the pier you are not currently under surveillance. Or are you? No, you’re not.

Or are you? No. I’m just messing with ya.

But seriously, stay outa trouble.

So imagine me, “the” Batman. Stern, dark, shadowy haunting the nightmares of the criminal underworld. Now imagine me grinning from ear to ear like the Joker, holding wads and wads of cash (which I may swim around in later) after this weekend’s takings of the new Batman movie.

Adrian kindly wrote and said: “Batman Begins is the best comic-book based movie ever made. In my opinion. Unless the sequels are better!”

Thank you Adrian. The bat-team here enjoys feedback.

I believe that with the line “Unless the sequels are better!” Adrian is implying that the sequels ARE better. But the sequels haven’t been made yet, unless Adrian is talking about the J. Schumacher “nipple-flicks”, Batman and Robin and Batman Forever, in which case Adrian is crazy (or Adrian is a pseudonym of J. Schumacher).

This can mean ONLY one thing. Adrian is some kind of time traveller! Trust me I’m the world’s greatest detective.

I personally have yet to see the new film, but I am told by Bat-friends (and some people I shook down for evidence) that it is a “visually stunning piece of film noir”.

Take THAT Spiderman!

It's been some time hasn't it. I'm gonna pull out the old "I've had a cold" line that every blogger uses when they've been absent.

Actually I've been discussing with my lawyers about the merchandising rights for the new Batman film. With my completely non-biased opinion I suggest you go and see it. Many, many times...with lots of friends, or at least lots of people (if you have no friends).

I would like to apologise to Walter. I'm sorry Walter, we couldn't get an answer to your cartoon book question. I suggest going to a comic store and asking the sweatiest, greasiest, most rotund person there (failing that the goth-looking stick figure who is also greasy and will sniff at your question in disgust) and ask them...they'll know.

The other day, to change the subject, Robin and I went out for a Sprite as our secret identities, (no I will not tell what they are Riddler, stop emailing!).
When I went to pay for them my card declined (I knew satellite TV in the Batmobile would put me over the limit).

Well it had been a long day and a stupid shouted at the clerk: "Don't mess with me pal, I'm Batman!".

The Clerk was like: "Dude, you so are!"

I was madly motioning for Robin to get the memory gas. Sometimes I wish I could just SMASH stuff up like the Hulk. (If the Hulk can get his haircut at a normal barbershop, then why doesn't it come off when he's fighting badies?)