Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Artistic integrity

Let me tell you all a little story about the movie industry.

It takes liberties with the real story.

I finally caught a screening of the latest flick about my life “Batman Begins”. As mentioned the other day I am already rolling in royalty-money so I knew it had to be at least OK.

It was awesome! David S. Goyer you are the greatest writer since…I don’t know anyone else who has adapted a decent comic? Who wrote Blade? Oh, you did. Well that’s it then, you are the greatest. You are without precedent. You are the Muhammad Ali of comic book screenwriting.

But I have to warn the casual viewer about a few things, the aforementioned liberties.

While it is nice to believe that I am, in fact, playboy millionaire Bruce Wayne; that is just a fanciful theory. Wayne has been seen at the same galas and parties that I have had to rescue from the clutches of countless villains. Not to mention all the times I have saved Wayne from kidnapping.

Sure the death of his parents would give him motive, thinking about them everyday, wishing that he could have saved them, living in the empty shell of his life, trying to fill that space with justice by saving the people of Gotham, night after night watching what his parents strived to…

Um, anyway I’m not Bruce Wayne, end of story.

Also my first car was a (short-lived) second-hand Honda Civic that I painted black with house paint.

I was wrong to say that this movie had nothing to do with Joel Schumacher’s hideous versions. Chris Nolan inserted a veiled homage to Schumacher with the subtle, yet distracting, addition of Katie Holmes’ nipples. Those who say that they didn’t notice them are lying.

This is the coolest Batmobile yet. It is much, much, much cooler than the last two cars from the “nipple-flicks” and also much cooler than my Bat-Honda.

I wasn’t sure if I liked it at first, but I am so sure now. Apparently they made these as real cars and they can do everything that you see in the film. So I may have to make an offer on one.

For those of you who are wondering, I currently drive a converted Toyota Prius (you do NOT want to run out of gas when chasing criminals). And The White Stripes, Get Behind Me Satan is currently in the stereo.


The Joker said...

I've finally found your blog, batbrain. I'm a bit unhappy they used my calling card at the end of the movie. They should have at least asked for my consent. Alas, I smell a huge lawsuit brewing. hoohoohoohahahahahahahahaha!

Robin said...

I totally didn't notice Katie Holmes’ nipples. Honestly.

adrian said...

hey Batman I meant to write "unless the sequels ARE GOING TO BE better", because there is absolutely no way anyone can get me to say the nipple movies are any good without killing what few brain cells I have left in my head. So..I'm not a time-traveller unfortunately. Hohoho..

j00|{z said...

Batman blogs? That is so cool.

So Bruce Wayne is just some rich brat who pretends to be you, right?

Batman said...

That is absolutely correct Wookieehobbit...um is that your real name?

Any way you should tell all of your friends and any one you know in the media as well. It'll take some of the heat off me so i can get on with crime fighting and sleuthing and the like.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Batman begins was cool. Your doppleganger seemed pretty stiff in the Bat costume, though. They need to figure out how to make it look cool without all the black rubber.