Gotham is currently too safe, and I’m bored so let’s see what’s in the news today?

Ex-Russian Spy Poisoned In London. Hmmm, sounds interesting; but a little too far out of my jurisdiction.

Nintendo Wii has peaceful, plentiful launch in US: the Justice League had that covered just in case there were riots.

Musharraf, Blair Meet: Reiterate Resolve to Combat Terrorism: maybe it’s just me but… if you can’t punch something in the face then you want to be careful about combating it. I mean I have fought some crazy looking things (usually from space) and even they will usually have a face to punch.

Tom and Katie's fairytale wedding: Speaking of face-punching...

“World of Whatnow?” I asked.
“Warcraft” they said in unison.
“Sounds like something Adam Strange would deal with.” No one laughed so I continued, “What is it?”
“It’s a [something beginning with M]” said Oracle
“Oh, well is that really what you want to use the world’s greatest crime-solving computer for?”
“Absolutely” said Robin
“It’s got the best connection and I can run multiple characters on it” said Oracle.
“Well how long are you going to be? Word is that Two-Face is planning something”
“We’ll we’re just in this PVP battle at the moment then I promised the guild I’d help them with a raid” answered Oracle, if that was indeed an answer.
“Well, ok. Just be careful of online predators.”
I swear Robin rolled his eyes.

You know what I love? Justice.

Ooohh man its sweet. You know, you’ve been tracking some crook most of the night (be it a super villain or a two-bit hood), when you finally catch them it just feels good.

Of course sometimes, while you’re standing there enjoying your justice-high, the bad guys can free themselves and sneak off. But that’s alright; you notice sooner or later and just catch them again for another buzz.

That’s why it’s no fun when people obey the law. Remember civilians, if you aren’t doing something wrong then somewhere a superhero is sad. Failing that, try to tempt others to be bad. Walk down dark alleyways at night boasting loudly about all the money in your pocket.

C’mon people, help me out here! Justice, it’s like a drug! Ask the Martian Manhunter, he's the biggtest Justice-junkie I know.

I don’t mind super villains. Not really, you know. They sort of keep me in business. But what I have come to realise is that it is really hard to start up as a super villain.

Most of them have deep psychological problems or delusions or obsessions. Often with me.

And then there are the guys who try too hard.

I’m up on this rooftop (where else) when I hear about this guy on my scanner. He breaks into a bank and when the cops come along he places his hands on his hips a laughs. Then he throws cotton buds at them. You know those things you use to clean your ears with? Yep, that’s what I thought.

He went down in a screaming mess of pepper spray.

I suppose he technically doesn’t count as a villain, even with that laughing bit. But still, I’ve had guys in homemade costumes, which is clearly underwear, challenging me to a duel of wits or some ludicrous thing.

Still at least it’s a hobby.

Been doing a lot of stalking around the rooftops recently. You would not believe what’s up there.

There was an episode of the Tick (the shortlived live action version with Patrick Warburton*) where the Tick stands in gum and says “Who puts gum on a roof!?!” And I would have to agree. It’s very hard to look all “scary dark knight” when you’re picking gum out of your boots.

However, having said that, I can heartily recommend a night on the rooftops to anyone: the clean air, the feeling of freedom, the easy views into bedroom windows. I’m kidding**.

*What just cause I’m Batman I can’t watch TV?
** What just cause I’m Batman I can’t make a joke?

You know what's weird? Coincidence

Last night I had some friends around for dinner the other night (you know, the ususal gang) and I mentioned this blog, in passing. Then this morning Con El came by and left a comment, which prompted me to try and start his thing back up.

At dinner we discussed the various pros and cons of a prolific super hero having a public blog. So first of here is a list of a few of the things we came up with.

Some of the pros:

• Relieves boredom of super-powered lifestyle
• Shows public the human side of super-power-enabling-yet-monstrous mutation
• Enables you to vent about city's woeful police force
• Fans feel significant by being able to leave comments
• Able to start campaign for Salma Hayek to be new Catwoman
• Chicks dig bloggers
• Bat-computer not really the best place for funny kitten videos

Some of the cons:

• Mystique of heroism begins to rub off when you post about bad hair day
• Discover that Jed1_Kn1ght2004 thinks Wolverine could "totally take you"
• Supervillans hitting you with spam comments
• Spacebaralwaysbrokencozofsuperstrength
• Always having to explain what a blog is to friends/foes
• Moblogging does not work in outer space
• Always was torn about whether to wear mask while posting

You will NOT BELIEVE what's been going on in Gotham recently.

Seriously, I won't write it down because there is no point because you will NOT BELIEVE it.

I'll just say this: interdimensional vortex.

Oh and needless to say...thwarted.

Thank you.

So, anybody got any plans for the weekend? Me? Oh I'll probably be tidying up after the vortex. Things sure got messed up.

Batarangs everywhere. I tell ya when you get one of those stuck in the wheel rim of your car they do not come out easy!

Anyway, stay safe.

Batman

Um…so, anyone out there committing any crimes? No? Oh, just checking.

It has been so dull here for the past few weeks. I’m almost thinking of breaking some people out of Arkham just to stir things up. I know there are a few crazies on the loose: Poison Ivy, Killer Croc, Harlequin, Catwoman etc (wow there’s a lot of girls on that list).

So any super villains out there (or even any regular run-of-the-mill villains) please detail any of your nefarious, but essentially flawed, plans here first. This will give me the heads up and at least I can start planning (project managing if you will) and that will fill in my time until your plans “completion date”.

PS: Thanks for the invite Gaia but Batman works alone…apart from Robin, and Batgirl, and Oracle and sometimes Huntress, oh and Azrael...and every now and again the Justice League

Pittsburgh Steelers, Pittsburgh Steelers, Cross that goal
Pittsburgh Steelers, Like free wheelers, Roll, roll, roll
Bring us victory and joy will be supreme
And win more fame with ev'ry game
You Pittsburgh Steelers team

Go, Go, Show 'em how a team can fight
Go, Go, Fight with all your might

Pittsburgh Steelers, Pittsburgh Steelers, Cross that goal
Pittsburgh Steelers, Like free wheelers, Roll, roll, roll
Bring us victory and joy will be supreme
And win more fame with ev'ry game
You Pittsburgh Steelers team

Aloha Batbuddies!

Or as they say in Samoa: “Talofa”

Sorry it’s been so long but after getting back I had a heap of stuff to do. Including putting all of the Arkham crowd back into Arkham, then working off my “holiday belly” (which had gotten out of control) and then I had to catch up on all the Steelers games I missed.

Speaking of which. Villains: you are allowed to do anything you want on February 5^th, but so help me god if you fuss with the TV reception I will not be responsible for what happens next.

Also Catwoman, it’s nice to see you in the area. Thanks for sending those photos. They were…um…thanks! Hope to see you again; you’re always welcome. But put back all the stuff you stole, ok?

Now that I’m back I’ll endeavour to keep my posts coming regularly. Sorry for the long delays but it’s my…um…”other job”. Not a secret identity mind you, I don’t have one. And don’t try to find out what it is either!

See you after Sunday!

I'm not dead!

To wit: those rumours have been greatly exagerated.

I have, in fact, been on holiday in the South Seas. Sometimes even the greatest heroes need some time off (though i had to bust some heads the other day just to keep my hand in).

I am writing from a cheap internet cafe in Samoa so this will have to be brief. I will return with more in a week or so.

Until then: stay safe and go Steelers! (which is the only reason I used the internet at all.)